We've Got The County Covered
We've Got The County Covered
Seven couples including five celebrating their fiftieth anniversary pose for a picture prior to the cake cutting. The seven cakes with Frank and Betties in the middle had their wedding vows etched in icing on the front of the seven cakes. The cake cutting followed a potluck dinner and preceded the barn dance.
A bagpipe serenade from Dr. Hugo Michael Gibson, a frequent visitor to the Barber ranch began celebration.
The barn dance featured music from several local musicians and were familiar to those who follow the poets and pickers as they perform throughout the state.
A closeup of the anniversary cake shows the intricate detail of the written vow phrase on each cake. The event was very well attended.
Frank and Bettie Barber celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary in early June. The Barbers are widely known for their love of hosting friends and family and putting on great parties. To help celebrate their own 50th anniversary, they invited four other couples, also celebrating 50 years of marriage, to join in a group celebration. Imagine the five couples being celebrated, about 200-250 guests, a fantastic array of food, five anniversary cakes, a bagpiper playing to the host couple, a country band and an old time barn dance and you have some notion of the 50th anniversary party that Bettie and Frank put together.
From a reporter's standpoint, it was an opportunity to ask 10 people with 50 years of marriage experience (each of them were married 50 years times 10 people = 500 years being married) some questions about marriage. Reaching a 50th wedding anniversary is no minor accomplishment. The U.S. Census Bureau calculates that about 5-6% of married couples reach that plateau. Just so readers know, those who reach that rarefied level of 70 years of marriage represent about a half of one percent of married couples.
Each of the couples shared their ideas about what it takes to keep a marriage going for 50 years. Here's some reflections from five couples who've been married for 50 years.
Frank and Bettie Barber. It seems only fair to start with the first honored couple, they put the party together. Bettie, definitely the most demonstrative and outspoken of the pair, said, "I was raised a Navy brat. My family was living in Taiwan and my dad, a Navy corpsman, was being transferred back to Camp Pendleton, in California. He was attached to the Marines. I asked my brother-in-law to find me a blind date when the family got back to the states."
She told, "The first guy backed out. The second choice was Frank, who was in the Marines at the time." Second place turned out to be the winner in this case. Admitting that he likes to ponder and Bettie is the talker, Frank said, "We are quite different personalities. We learned to use our specific gifts to make things, including our marriage, work." Bettie described it as a 'yin and yang' relationship.
Brian, the Barber's son, told this story during the introduction to the toast for his parents. "I must have been about ten years old and walked into the kitchen. Mom was upset. She said, "Brian, a marriage is something you have to work on every day."" Brian added, "I'm not sure if that was advice for me or if mom was trying to convince herself."
About his dad, Brian told, "I once heard dad say "I've had a pretty good run. I've had a good horse, a good dog and a good woman." Brian then added, "For those of you who know my dad, that's a lot of words for him to string together at one time." That brought a laugh from the audience.
Fred and Sandy Miller. The Miller's farm between Zurich and Harlem north of Highway 2. Sandy, as a seventeen-year old, hitchhiked from Minnesota to Harlem. She explained she was leaving a stepfather who was very difficult and stopped in Harlem when she found a job as a waitress. While working, she attended Harlem High and finished the credits she needed to graduate.
Fred picked up the story and said, "I was haying and it rained. Going in to town I turned toward Harlem rather than my normal route to Chinook. I'd heard there was a pretty new waitress at the café and turns out that pretty waitress is also a great cook."
Both Sandy and Fred said their faith had a lot to do with keeping their marriage going. Sandy put it this way, "When you say 'I do' in front of your spouse, your family, your friends and God, you've made a pretty big commitment." Fred was a bit more to the point when, "I guess we were just too stubborn to quit."
Doug and Joanne Mitchell. Joanne was coming down with a cold and missed the celebration. The Mitchell's ranch on the south side of the Bear Paws. They grew up at opposite ends of Blaine County. Doug told, "As part of a 4-H program my folks had an exchange student from India living with us. My job was to drive him around to the various places he would make presentations. I took him to a presentation up north, in the part of the county where Joanne lived, and that's where we met."
Doug said, "I guess I never really thought too much about why we've stayed married for 50 years. I think you have to stick to things, like the old saying 'through the thick and the thin.'" He added, "You have to work together as a team, each pulling your part of the load."
Jerry and Laura Kinsella. The Kinsella's live a few miles west of Havre where they farm and garden. Jerry retired after 30 years with the Hill County Electric Cooperative. Though they live in Havre, they have family connections in the Bear Paws and socialized with others from the south country over the years.
As to a 50-year marriage, they both agreed their faith was a big part of a successful marriage. She explained, "We were both born and raised Catholic. That helped hold us together."
Mike and Gloria Tilleman. The Tilleman's live west of Havre and own Tilleman Motors and have farming interests. Mike grew up on a farm near Zurich and Gloria is a native of Winnipeg, Manitoba. They met in the Minneapolis area. Mike said, "I met Gloria when I was a professional football player and she, as a stewardess, was making more money than me."
The airlines would terminate a stewardess for getting married so they flew to Boulder, Colorado and got married on the sly. Both had to be right back in the Twin Cities and Gloria said, "With the passes we were using we had to fly standby. I got a seat fairly quickly. Pretty soon Mike got on a packed plane, stood at the front of the plane and shouted, "I just got married and would like to sit by my new wife." The other passengers began to rearrange themselves to accommodate the new groom.
Mike said, "To stay married you have to eventually end up friends, not just a husband and wife." He added, "One thing that has developed is neither of us hear as well as we used to. Now when we argue we are often arguing about two different things." Gloria added, "Mike has a good sense of humor and still makes me laugh. That's important in our marriage."
Not long after the feed and cutting of five anniversary cakes, it was time to move to the barn's loft where the band was warming up to start the dance. A drizzle rain had begun and, as one celebrant put it, "The rain kind of adds to the atmosphere. It makes you want to get inside and be with the crowd."
Dr. Hugo Michael Gibson, a chiropractor from Havre, played a tribute on the bagpipe for Frank and Bettie Barber. Gibson played several selections including "Happy Birthday," to which the guests sang 'happy anniversary.' His rendition of the "Navy Hymn" was very moving. And the end of one verse seemed an appropriate blessing for the five couples-the last part of which reads:
"And give them light and life and peace.
Grant them from thy great throne above
The shield and shelter of thy love."
