From an orphanage in PA to the Grande Villa in MT, John and Dona Clay are still together

John and Dona Clay moved to Chinook from Woodstock, Georgia in March, 2022 to be near their son John and his wife Kim and family. My wife and I first met John and Dona when they visited the Chinook Senior Center. Soon we would see them on walks around town, then more encounters at the senior center. Their friendly demeanor encouraged random chats. At some point I learned about their joint background, they met in an orphanage in Philadelphia, were married shortly after "aging out" of the orphanage and have lived, literally, all over the world. I thought their story might be of interest to "Journal" readers. Here's a part of their nearly 74 years together.

John and Dona first met at the Home for Orphans of Odd Fellows in Philadelphia

The Odd Fellows (IOOF) is a fraternal organization dating back to early England and does charitable work on many types of community projects. Like many fraternal and religious organizations prior the start of government supported foster care for children in the 1960's, the IOOF supported a number of orphanages across the U.S.

Dona's mother was a member of the Rebekahs, the women's auxiliary of the IOOF. The mother died and when their father's second wife became bedridden, Dona, then age eight and a half, and a younger sister were taken to the orphanage. Because of their mother's membership in IOOF their cost to live at the orphanage was covered. Shortly John came to the orphanage at age ten, a "court case" meaning his home situation was such that a judge sent him to the orphanage. This was in the late 1940's.

Dona graduated highs school in June, 1954 and took a job locally set up for her through the high school. John, a year younger than her, did not finish high school but joined the Navy and left the orphanage in July, 1954. They were engaged after he completed boot camp and married a year later. He went back to the Navy and she stayed in Philly with relatives. Asked how they decided to marry when they never really got to date, Dona said, "It just seemed like it happened."

John completed his Navy commitment in 1958 and went to technical school for six months in Chicago. He recalled "we were starving" and so he joined the Air Force. He left the Air Force in 1975 and went to work as a civilian employee with the military. Over the years the Clays had two children, Beth and John, and lived in a number of places including several overseas. While John was a civilian employee his work took them to Spokane, Washington where they lived for a few years with son John and his wife Kim (Holman) who grew up in Chinook. Over the years John had completed a college degree and for a time taught electronics at a nearby college in Idaho.

They later moved to Georgia to be near daughter Beth. When John declared, "I'm not happy here, too much traffic, heat and humidity" they looked west again. Son John and family were now in Chinook and small town living appealed to them. They arrived in Chinook in March, 2022. First living in a house they decided there was too much to care for at their ages and moved to the Grande Villa in February of this year. They both agreed, "We like the convenience of everything easily accessible."

Life in the orphanage

I recall orphanages were still operating when I was a young adult but don't never knew anyone who had lived in an orphanage. I asked the Clays to share some of that experiences in the orphanage, the good and the bad. Dona said, "Most of the children there were not orphans (no living parents) but were like me and John, there because our parents could not take care of us." There were 11 children in the orphanage that was set up for 165. Later that number jumped to 66. John and Dona both mentioned the fact that "the boys and girls were strictly separated," boys rooms on one side of the building, girls on the other. The Clays met at the water fountain, the library and could see each other on the playground and at chapel every Sunday.

Children lived in rooms of eight, boys and girls separate, with an adult caretaker overseeing 16 children. Meals were communal prepared by a cook. Dona told how girls would set the tables, serve the food, clear the tables and then the boys would run the dishwasher and clean the dining room. She said, "We got lots of practice cleaning. Saturday was also a cleaning day and we did our own laundry. I started ironing, for myself and the younger kids, at age 11." John added, "Older kids did our own laundry. When I went to the Navy many recruits didn't know how to do laundry. I would do theirs for a buck a load." The kids went to public schools, an elementary and junior high both nearby. For high school they would ride a trolley from a stop near the orphanage. John tested high enough to attend a special vocational high school that he reached via trolley, then a subway and finally another trolley, each way. Dona said she really missed having someone help her with homework, which their caretakers would not do. She also was not allowed to stay for after school activities. Both learned to play musical instruments, in Dona's case the piano of which she said, "I played for just about every church we ever attended."

Religious services were important at the IOOF orphanages. There was chapel every Sunday afternoon, often conducted by IOOF members from local lodges. Sunday the kids worshipped in churches in the area, boys in one direction, girls the other. Dona recalled, "They gave us each a nickel to put in the offering plate on Sunday." The Clays recalled they also got a weekly allowance: younger than 15, was 25 cents a week, 16 and older, was 50 cents. Dona also earned extra money babysitting for some of the staff at the orphanage.

The children were allowed to leave the orphanage for two weeks in the summer and a week at Christmas, if they had places to go. Dona said she and her sister went to stay with their grandmother during Christmas while John his younger sister went to their mother's place. There were other activities. For the older boys, occasional camping trips and Boy Scouts. John played clarinet and saxophone in a band that played at high school football games. Girls would go for a week to the New Jersey shore with the orphanage president's wife. Older girls would participate in Rebekahs, the IOOF women's auxiliary. Once a summer there was an excursion to a regional amusement park and an annual visit to a farm near Harrisburg, PA.

Saturday afternoons the kids would walk to the movies. Dona recalled, "When I got older I would carry a dime for each child, then hand out the dimes when we got to the theater." John recalled, "Sometimes the boys would pay their dime, walk through the theater and out an exit door and do their own entertainment. We had to be back when the movie was over to make the trip home with the group."

Asked about the positives and negatives of life in the orphanage, the Clays thought a bit and began to tick off their responses. On the negative: Dona said the caregivers who lived with the children were not like a real family and, "Some were nice, some were mean." John recalled that sometimes the disciplining was a bit severe, Dona added, "Especially for the boys." There few days when the children could have visitors, though they could leave for a family wedding or funeral. They were expected to do a lot of chores around the facility and for the most part could not participate in after school activities.

On the positive side, the couple agreed there were some helpful life lessons. "Foremost," Dona said, "we learned to get by with less which helped us when we were out on our own." Living with a diverse group of kids they both learned to get along with others. Though sometimes they resented overseers, they agreed they did "learn to follow orders."

Having grown up in a fairly controlled environment I wondered what baffled them when they got out on their own. Dona thought a minute and said, "Even though I could really clean, laundry and iron I never learned to cook as our meals were all prepared." Most everything else they learned as challenges were presented. Both mentioned that nearly 40 years of moving with John's military and civil service jobs taught them to adapt to changing conditions of all sorts.

So, that's the story of the couple who met at an orphanage and are married going on 68 years. Despite what might be viewed as a rough start in life, they both seem to have thrived. Apparently they did a lot of things right and certainly could adapt.