My Answer
Share
Tweet
Q: Every year we debate whether or not to invite my aunt for Thanksgiving. She’s a very negative person who spends her whole time complaining and criticizing everyone, and it gets very unpleasant. Would she get the message if we didn’t invite her this year?
A: From what you say, I honestly doubt if she’ll “get the message” if you don’t invite her for Thanksgiving. Instead, you’ll probably just give her another excuse to complain and criticize you even more. The Bible bluntly says, “Whoever hates correction is stupid” (Proverbs 12:1).
It’s hard, I know, to be welcoming toward someone like this. But instead of seeing her as a problem, let me encourage you to see her presence with you as an opportunity—an opportunity to help her overcome her negative outlook. Does this sound unrealistic? Yes, it probably does, and it may not happen all at once—but with God’s help, her time with you could be a turning point. Pray for her—beginning today—and pray too that God will give you patience and wisdom and kind words. The Bible says, “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24).
What can you do? First, if possible, give her something to do that will keep her busy. Not only will it keep her occupied, but it’ll let her know that you value her. Some people criticize or complain because they feel left out, and are only seeking attention. Seek ways to channel this in a healthy direction.
Then go out of your way to make this a time of true Thanksgiving. If someone says something negative, respond with something positive. You might even go around the table and let everyone express why they’re thankful this year. Remember: thankfulness always overwhelms ingratitude.
Q: My husband is in the military and on his second deployment overseas. I know his work is important and all that, but it’s been really hard on our two children and me. Please pray for us, because it’s tough being alone all the time.
A: Today is Veterans Day in the United States, a special day that has been set aside to honor all those who have kept our nation free through their military service. The Bible says, “Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. … Honor one another” (Romans 12:9-10).
Today we also honor all those like your husband who are currently on active duty in the military. We live in a dangerous and complex world, and without their sacrifice and dedication our lives would be far different from what they actually are. I know every reader of this column is grateful for those like your husband who continue to defend our nation from its enemies. Freedom is not an accident; it only remains strong if we defend it and use it responsibly.
But your letter also reminds us of the sacrifice you and countless other families have made (and are making) on behalf of our men and women in the military. I hope every reader will pause to thank God for the families of our service personnel (including their parents and other relatives), and to ask God to encourage them and give them His peace.
These are, I know, difficult days for you. But God knows what you’re going through, and He loves you and watches over you. Commit your burdens—and your whole life—into Christ’s hands, and thank Him for His presence with you every day. His promise is true: “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5).
Q: The most difficult person I know claims to be a Christian, although she’s always negative and critical of everyone and not at all pleasant to be around. If that’s what Christians are like, then I don’t want to be one.
A: If this is the way Christians were supposed to be, then I doubt if anyone would want to become one! Jesus rebuked the joyless religious hypocrites of His day who caused their converts to become “twice as much a child of hell as you are” (Matthew 23:15).
But listen: This isn’t the way Christians are supposed to be! Only God knows this person’s heart, of course; she might be even more difficult if she weren’t a Christian (if in fact she is). But don’t be misled by the failures of a few. Instead, look at Jesus Christ—and when you do, you’ll realize something entirely different: God loves you, and He wants to fill you with His love. Your life will never be the same once you realize this truth.
How do I know God loves us? I know it because Jesus Christ came into the world to deal with our greatest problem—which is ourselves. You may see yourself as a good person—certainly better than this woman. But if you’re honest, you know you fall short—short of your own standards, but most of all, short of God’s standard.
God could have just left us alone—but He didn’t. Instead, He came into the world in the person of Jesus Christ to erase our sins through His death on the cross. And when we open our hearts and lives to Him, He comes to live within us and change us. May this happen to you. Jesus said, “I am making everything new!” (Revelation 21:5).
